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KomradApex's avatar
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Literature Text

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Written with the prompt “rabbits and drugs” as provided by the swagalicious :iconmongoosemyth:. I thought about going for an Alice in Wonderland vibe with this one but thought it’d be too obvious.
Mature
© 2015 - 2024 KomradApex
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Briar-Belle's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

I actually like this, it's very much pact with vision like I'm almost in the scene. However, I think it would be more clearer if you described the area more and the person lucky is helping. At times I was very confused because it was all a little rushed and I wasn't too sure what was going on.
To help you with your grammar, sentences etc,
At "Here you are, alone in an empty apartment" I would put a full stop there then start the sentance with "With"
From "the rabbit asks of you" the word "the" needs a capital "T"

After "Time to get some more money" could describe more about what he has to do, rather than rush into it.
And I think it's "Jacket Cuffs"

From "Luck is right anyhow" add a full stop then take away "That"

From "Are you bothering my friend?" The next word after that should start with a capital letter
"Who said that?!" Next word starts with a capital letter

But besides that good job. I found it quite interesting, fairly easy to read but not so easy to understand right away without reading it a few times over. So more description and the minor corrections I've suggested would be my advice. Good luck and happy writing!