Deviation Actions
Literature Text
My hellbound head screams insane
Satan, please caress my veins
On instinct, neither pause nor think
My ship and island will soon sink
Pulsing blacklight and bloody torrent engulfs my mind
The cosmic serpent I see, my hate I find
March of Time
Time
Circle of the Elements: Training of the Mind
This is Bethsheba, critiquing for 
It's amazing what a little music and caffeine can do, huh? In your case, it's created a slick, chaotic poem that the reader can nonetheless understand, at least in a general kind of way. You use a well-balanced mix of visceral description (“bloody torrent” is my favorite) with mystical elements. The metaphor you use in the fourth line is particularly good. The idea of both the means to an end (the ship) and the end itself (the island) sinking gives a feeling of total destruction, total oblivion.
If there was one thing that I would change about this piece, it would be the ending. The “cosmic serpent” idea is great- it reminds me of Hindu philosophy, though I don't know if that's what you were going for- but the line ends too abruptly. It feels unfinished. I don't know if you really need to add verses so much as rearrange the last line so that it feels more complete.
This is a great poem!