The Museum with no Exit

Charming! Might I just say museums are super cool and anyone who says otherwise can stuff themselves (as opposed to letting the museum doing that for you).

Now into my delivery of poetic justice (ha): my critique is intended as feedback and I will do my utmost to help you! I am still new in the critiquing game so if you wish to dispute something or point out that I am a purple elephant, please feel free to help us both.

Firstly, your concept is refreshing and so is your use of rhyme. Thank you for choosing something unique to write about! Throughout the piece there is a sense of mischievousness created by the meter and the rhyming scheme that couples effectively with the narrative 'down this most endlessly mesmeric of halls/ for every person that gives up hope/ another portrait appears on the walls'

Your rhetoric in the second stanza also made me chuckle, very nice.

Secondly, while the first and second stanzas are great the last one lets the piece down. You begin your first with alliterative juxtaposition which is rather delectable to the scholar of poetry and deceptively simple 'disturbed, delightful journey' and the second with siblance 'superfluously sickening' and the last, it becomes clumsy in comparison to your previous because it is breaking your established convention of alliteration. The image is good 'envoy from hell' and the line after is gold. The last two lines are where the poem needs most work.

In the second last you use enjambment 'never gone/away from home' despite the fact all throughout your poem beforehand, there are pauses between lines and showing this with punctuation would be fine. i.e. 'Ah! Superflously sickening,/ Tell,' and thus when it comes to reading 'never gone/away from' we take a pause and because we stop the rhythm at the end of lines (your rhythm stops at the end of lines in most cases) we get confused when it continues into the next. So punctuate everything that needs it beforehand!

The last should have a conjunctive i.e. 'and' instead of the comma because it hurts your meter, 'You are a painting and your cycles are done' perhaps. Final lines should have more pizaz, you know.

Lastly, I would like to say you did a great job and you have fared vary well under my anal analysis! Thanks <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=" (Big Grin)"/>